My brother was always a mysterious guy, and I bet I owe a lot of my own mysteriousness and reclusiveness to what I copied off of him growing up. There was once a time when I would have said I was close to my brother, but that time is long off. I remember the first time Kinsey went off for a whole winter break to the States without me - I cried and my parents laughed. They said "형이 있을떼는 그렇게 싸우고, 이제 형이 가니까 울어?" And of course I cried harder because my parents were making fun of me.
I wouldn't say my family is poor, but I would deny my family was by any means rich. I tell my American friends I lived in a tiny rented 빌라 (which I learned later was not the same as a "villa") in an alley I'd struggle to describe to you. In that small apartment, my brother and I would shoot BB guns at each other when my parents were away (one hit me square in the eye), we'd physically fight for fun (I broke his pinky finger) and we'd even play baseball with a plastic ball and bat - each "base" was a piece of furniture 2 feet apart in the living room. Then my brother entered high school, and I began to forget who he really was. I saw very little of him for those 4 years.
To some extent, I was eternally jealous of my brother. I got into a lot of trouble growing up, and my behavior worried my parents to no small end. I envied how my brother could laugh his way past any punishment. There were even times after I fought with my brother that I relished telling my parents what he did when they came home, but invariably, they laughed when he laughed, and I received the scolding of a lifetime. After a while, I realize I must have subconsciously begun to imitate my brother - I thought that if I was more like him, I could laugh my way through punishments, and if I were more like him, maybe my parents would love me more like the way they did him. And still, I did not know my brother.
Last summer, I met his fiancee in Korea. If I could have imagined my brother with someone, it would not have been a missionary kid from Sri Lanka more fluent in Korean than she was in English. And yet, wouldn't you know it, they were perfect for each other. That very first night I met her, I felt comfortable enough to ask Hana to help me grow closer with my brother and draw our family together, and she promised me she would. And because of that promise, because of Hana, 7 months later, Kinsey is still a mystery, but he is no longer a stranger to me. He is my brother, and I can say I love him.
Congratulations 형, 누나. 오래오래 행복하게 사세요.
