new year, new thoughts

This past weekend, two wonderful friends of mine were married. As I saw them dance on the floor, this thought kept occurring to me: God must be smiling down upon them now and saying, "These are my children. See how much I love them." I'd forgotten how much I had missed them, and I know I will continue to miss them all the more from here on out. But they are so blessed - God goes with them.

Since graduating, spirituality for me has been tough. No, let's not say that. Let's say, keeping my eyes fixed on Him has been increasingly difficult. I don't think it's because I left the college bubble or the MEIV bubble and found that life was all the more distracting and disturbingly real out there. I think that it's when I left community and left accountability and left corporate ministry - that's when I said "God, it's you and me out there now. Help me."

When I thought alone, then I was alone. And when you're alone, you can convince yourself of anything, and fill your time with a million things. And this is when life is easy. When life gets hard, it's another thing altogether - then you go from being delusionally preoccupied to being utterly and desperately lost. And when you're lost for too long, your mind becomes jaded, your heart becomes bitter and His Spirit becomes a flicker within.

I decided to name this blog that no one will read, "One Three Nine." Psalm 139 tells me God knows my every in and out. He knows my words before I speak them, knew all my days before I lived my first one. He knows my every thought. BUT, how precious...how precious are God's thoughts. How precious are His. And indeed, I hope that everyday I can strive forward to becoming that much closer to saying, my thoughts are becoming like His.

I will wait on the Lord. He is precious to me and I to Him.