I haven't updated this in a while. In fact, I just wrote a whole spiel on "gifts" which I just deleted.
In the end, I turn to this blog mostly to remind myself of the strength and faithfulness of God in my times of great weakness and doubt. In the midst of my struggles, I write and receive His sweet mercies - mercies that altogether at once tell me He understands, He forgives, He consoles and He refines.
I've spent the last 5 weeks in my inpatient medicine service. Many days have been long - waking up at 4:30am and coming home occasionally at 9pm, barely enough time to eat before sleeping to begin the day anew. Insidiously over those 5 weeks, I adopted a spirit of dissatisfaction, deep discontentment that has fed increasing irritation and exhaustion. A combination of physical & mental exhaustion, perpetual hunger from skipping meals, and constant anxiety over my future has threatened to twist me into a cynical student simply awaiting the end of my current rotation.
Tonight, I took just a few minutes...only a few minutes to sit in silence and pray. And those few minutes have made all the difference. Strength enough for this one step - and a continual heart of prayer for every step afterwards. Thank you Father - you remind me of why I am here. There is a great harvest.
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